His footsteps were different now, the rhythm, the very sound of it but Mey knew that it was him. She opened her eyes and sure enough, Connor stood in her doorway, all gangly limbs and slouching shoulders. His eyes flicked away when his eyes met hers and he pushed one of his hands into his pocket while another held a wide brown envelop that crackled in his grip.
His mouth opened, moved but no sound came out. His lips pressed tightly together and he ducked his head.
Mey knew what he wanted to say, of course she knew, he wanted to say he was sorry, that he didn’t meant to do what he did, that he probably didn’t remember what happened. He wouldn’t be lying, that’s what happened in the First Change, it was a time when instinct won out, where humanity and rationality took a backseat.
She knew that but the burning pain on her shoulder, the ache in her body everytime she breathed didn’t make her feel forgiving, so Mey continued looking at him until he stood squirming at the door. The brown envelop crackled again.
She frowned at it. “What’s that?”
Connor’s shoulders tensed at the hoarseness of her voice; her throat was sore as if she had used up all her voice that night.
Screaming.
He still couldn’t meet her eyes but he lifted the envelope and waved it in front of him. “My x-rays.” He lifted his head for a second to look at her and Mey caught the flash of amber in his usually solid brown eyes. That spot in her neck burned at the sight of it. It had never done that around Connor before.
“You’re hurt?” A pinch of worry came out of her voice. She could hear it and she hoped that Connor could too. She was angry at him--and herself.
That didn't mean that he stopped being her bestfriend.
Amber flashed in his eyes, made even more startling at the dark color of his skin, before he looked down at his shoes again. “No, it’s just customary to get one after...after.”
His voice was deeper, Mey thought, and although there wasn’t much of a change that she could see, there were a lot that she could feel. Her parents were right, he made a strong wolf. She could feel his wolf prowling inside his skin, restless and so very alive. Her skin burst in goosebumps at the sheer presence of his wolf.
A phone rang from outside her room and Connor flinched.
“They allowed you to go out already?” It’s only been 3 days since that night, since they found her bleeding on the floor and Connor growling and howling and scrabbling for her.
His throat worked. “I’m not alone.” He shrugged. “Your parents are outside with mine. They know I’m here.”
Mey looked behind him but saw no one. And she was impressed that they were allowing him to be alone with her at all after how they had reacted when she first woke up in the hospital.
“Do—do you want to see?”
Mey blinked. “I think I saw too much all ready.”
His face darkened. “I mean the x-ray not my—not that.”
There was guilt in his voice and anger. And most of all there was shame.
She tried to sit up but her body wouldn’t let her and he finally looked at her when he heard her sucked in a pained breath. He was halfway into the room when he stopped then stood like he didn’t know what to do with himself.
Mey waved a hand at him. “Help me up.”
His shoulders relaxed and the tightness around his mouth softened as he stepped beside the hospital bed. It was awkward because the bed was quite high but Connor managed to pick her up easily. His hold was gentle on her waist but he held his body as far away as he could while still be able to touch her.
“What? Do I smell bad?” The question popped out suddenly, it was one of those weird fears that she had around the pack.
A small smile appeared on his face before it fell into serious lines once again. “Of course not, it’s just—“
“You think that I’m afraid of you now?”
He pulled away his hands from her waist but she kept hers on his shoulders and he couldn’t move without hurting her so he didn’t. “Aren’t you?”
“Yes, I am.” She felt him flinch. “But that’s normal, isn’t it? Considering.”
“I don’t want you to be afraid of me.” His words tumbled out of his mouth and clashed against each other.
“You bit me, Connor.”
He tried to move again but Mey gripped his shoulders tightly, her fingers digging into his skin. Pain blossomed on her shoulder but she ignored it.
“You bit me. You hurt me.”
His face crumpled and a soft sob tore from his chest and his hands were on her waist to push her away but she pulled him down and wrapped her uninjured hand around his neck.
“This scar that I will have for the rest of my life, that’s on you.”
“I know. You don’t have to tell me.” He snarled as he stood unmoving in her arms. “I wasn’t—it was the wolf, Mey. I would never hurt you.”
“You are the wolf, Connor.”
His breath rasped and flecks of amber rose up in the dark of his eyes. “I know. I’m sorry. I wasn't trying to make excuses--"
“You hurt me.” She continued, ignoring the trembling of his body against hers. “And I hurt you.”
He had stopped breathing. “What?”
Mey pulled away from him and cut her eyes to the door. Connor looked over his shoulder and shook his head. “They’re gone to get some coffee or something.”
When he looked back at her, her eyes were intense. “Connor, do you remember what happen?”
“I remember pain and more pain. And you.” Sweat beaded his temple as his mind went to that night. “There was blood and you were saying my name.”
“And?”
His eyes bled amber. “And you did something to me.”
Mey stared straight to his eyes as he searched her face.
“You did, didn’t you? That’s why I Changed so fast. No one had ever Changed that fast. A month maybe. Not in a few days.”
“You’re a strong wolf.”
“Not that strong.” Connor sat on the bed, forgetting his anxiety in his curiosity. “What did you do?”
Mey thought hard about what her parents had told her but the chance to finally share what she could do—especially with this kind of result—was hard to refuse. “It’s just something I can do. I can help people Change easier.”
“I’ve never heard—how—then why did it take so long for you to help me?” Hurt dripped from his voice.
“Because it’s a secret. Mom and dad told me not to.”
“But why?”
She pointed to her shoulder.
He blinked and offered her a sheepish and guilty grin. “Oh. Right.”
“I think they’re afraid that it would put me in this exact situation. I mean, you know me and I still get hurt. What if someone else asks me—“
Connor shook his head. “No. Your mom and dad are right. This should be a secret.”
“You won’t tell? Not even your parents.”
He gripped her hands. “I won’t.”
“Promise?”
“I promise.”
Mey stared at his face until she found what she was looking for. She relaxed and leaned back. “Okay.”
He peered at her from behind his crazy curls. “So, you forgive me?”
“If you forgive me.”
Connor grinned. And just like that Mey grinned back.
When the parents came back to the room they found Connor sharing the bed with Mey, their heads together as he pointed out all the breaks and healing marks on his x-ray.
Copyright © 2013 by D.F. Jules
